Thanks Peter

Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

-Robert Frost

as quoted in The Inconvenient Messiah- Jeffrey R. Holland

(and as soon as I was done with that article I needed this... I wasn't around when the plane wrecked)

Bugs on the windshield

My dad called me this morning (sometimes I wonder if he really does call to see if I'm awake... even so, I appreciate it) and said, "Sorry, I was supposed to call you back yesterday!"

He had to talk to the insurance guys, I went to class... we got busy. It was fine. He started to tell me how the insurance bit went. My mom and sister were in a pretty crazy accident on Saturday, (see her blog for that story), and it's been nothing but a hassle. That's why I'd called him the day before, I was freaking out. After mom's text on Saturday ("In a wreck. Totaled the van. Will update." Really?! What am I supposed to do then? Just calmly continue going about my day?!) and then no one answering my phone calls til Monday, I felt justified in flipping out just a little bit. Dad and I talked about it for a while, about why I freaked out, and I told him that I think I was scared so badly because I wasn't there dealing with the trauma with my fam. I haven't really done that before.
We talked about how our family could take stuff like this. It was more obvious to me that our family gets dealt a lot, and a lot of the time. The more we've proved we can handle, the more that's thrown at us. It's amazing to me how constant that stream is. I told my Dad that I hadn't realized how crazy that was when I was at home. That just seemed like our lives, that was normal, right? Hearing about it from the outside is a little bit harder.
Dad made the analogy of the bugs on the windshield when we drive up to Orlando. It's a three or so hour drive to get to the temple from our house, and every time we go, our windshield is covered in bugs. Three hours is not even that long of a trip, but somehow, you'd think we'd been driving for weeks with the number of splattered insects that end up on the windshield. But we don't have to pull over every time a bug hits our windshield. That's how life goes. We're trying to get back home, and our windshields get dirty. But we don't have to pull over and stop every time a bug hits us. We just need to make sure our wiper fluid stays full. Sometimes we do have to pull into a gas station and use one of their squeegees to be able to see. But we can't get through this life without help either. Somedays it may seem easier to abandon the car entirely and do something else, but we have to choose to keep going. Whether bugs and wipers represent adversity and trials or sin and the Atonement and others in our lives, respectively, I loved how simple it made this journey of ours. It's not easy, but it isn't hard to understand.

I got an email from my friend who just left the MTC. His thoughts have been on the same idea.

"This week, as I was contemplating the concept of keeping the commandments, I was bantering back and forth in mind why such is needed. The one side of the argument was complaining why I can’t have what I want. Why is it that we have to submit our wills to God, Church, etc.? I thought it highly unfair, that we can’t just do what we want, when we want it, and how we want it. Then, with just as much clarity as a DeBeers diamond, I recalled the true purpose of life. Life is a test. No ifs, ands, or buts. Our purpose in life is simply to see whether or not we will submit our wants and desires to Deity. As Jeffrey R. Holland put it, “There is no sign of convenience in our Christian creed.” And so I resigned myself again to obey."
(I'm still trying to cite Elder Holland's quote. I can't find it anywhere. I searched all of the articles Jeremy referenced, and I can't find it anywhere. Help?)

I'm so appreciative of the reminder to keep driving, regardless of bugs on my windshield. Even if I didn't have to be in the wreck to catch the reminder.

I want to offer my sincerest apologies for causing any alarm by my venting! Especially because, well, when do I ever show emotion?
I learn the most by review of past episodes. I learned most from that experience talking it over with one of my family members who was really worried that I was losing my mind.

Don't worry, I haven't lost anything that wasn't already missing :)

(from the previous post: the base of the staircase was by a door. A student walked in late, and I asked her to hand me my notebook. Fortunately, she cooperated.)

I just finished watching a movie about prostitution of 10-12 year old girls in Thailand. It's a movie for my international development class, and we had to write a paper about how it inspired us. I felt really cheesy writing it, but really what these people need is love! The people that were trying to keep their girls out of the prostitution industry kept saying, "We love our daughters! We would rather live in poverty than turn our children over to a business like that." And to underscore that point, there was a clip of a man holding his daughter's hand. Thai people don't believe in physical affection in public. They just don't do it. They don't tell you that in the video either. Rob taught me that when he commented how nice it was to see Chinese couples show even slight physical affection. This man was sitting with his daughter outside the school waiting for it to start. And he, ever so lightly, to still not offend his culture, held her hand. He loves her! I was so inspired to drop everything and move to one of these countries! Of course, the reality set in of needing to learn some languages and maybe have an idea of what I can do there, but still...
It's the thought that counts.

The LRC rooms are great places to watch movies. You can sob and nobody has to worry that you need to be comforted.

Intro to Public Health

My second day of class. We sit in an auditorium with various levels and stair cases, and I was well aware it would be full. I didn't think I cared where I sat as long as I could see, so when I saw the empty row in the very back all the way up the stairs, I took the furthest seat in so other people could have seats too (I hate climbing over people, I can't imagine they like climbing over me, I can be considerate). I was practically up against the railing. Our professor begins to talk about the definitions of public health, talks about how we need to fill out notecards for attendance, and as I reach into my bag to grab a notecard, my notebook falls off my lap, over the railing, and down the flight of stairs. At this point, several people have filled the empty row, our professor has started lecturing, and I'm not really sure what to do. I would just slip through the railing and risk the injuries that could be caused by the jump, but I would cause too much of a racket moving stuff to do that, so I would have to go over the railing, making the jump even steeper. And I'm certain my professor would see me flinging myself over the railing and not let it go unnoticed.

So I'm stuck. I really need to take notes, but the disruption to get it that has even the remotest chance of being a big scene doesn't seem worth it. What do I do?