!

My friends' wedding was postponed, and I'm relieved! At least, I thought I would be. I am, but my head is still heavy. My mom says it's all the other stresses I have that are adding to it, and until I get into China (or maybe even until I get home) I'm going to be stressed.

Story of my life.

I talked to Scott last night, and it was such a good conversation, even though it started out with him just asking about Nat and the story there. But the ideas and principles that we went into from there were so good! I just love conversations when I have realizations about myself and other people and my perception of them... you know, just life in general.
Scott said, "I really don't want you to go to China." I'd already had second thoughts. That didn't help.
I'm not really sure where the second thoughts came from. It just kind of keeps popping into my head. Talking to Scott, I'm sure Jeremy has a lot to do with it. I'm just not sure he was the initial thought process. But that's just silly. I mean, really? It's a six-week trip. And we aren't anything but clearly interested friends.
Then I was talking to my mom, and after that conversation, I was hit with this sense of how I run from problems. This overwhelming sense of how I run from problems. I'm not sure it's healthy. There are things I'm leaving behind, but I feel like because I know I'm going to China, I'm leaving them here on purpose. Not the other way around. I didn't plan China to run from things. I know things are put in my way for a reason. Like BYU. All of that fell into place because I needed to be out of the house. And it ended up being one of the best decisions. I don't feel like I put the same thought into China. I know I didn't. I applied because the application deadline was coming up, and it sounded like fun. Then I got in, everything just started going through...
I haven't paid for anything yet. I will have to work like a maniac as soon as I get home. And that will be about all I do. I don't know, I don't know.



Mom still thinks I should go to the doctor.