I'm writing a paper about the reasons for communication differences between genders. I need other people's ideas on why men and women have such problems trying to express their ideas. What do you think? Please comment!
In the dinnertime "How was your day?" conversation between a couple, the woman will talk about how she felt, the man will talk about what he and other people did. It's Rapport vs Report, emotion vs logic and reasoning. In a way, women are more abstract, men are more literal, which is why questions such as "Does this dress make me look fat?" are absolutely hated by men: we don't know how to answer honestly.
I think men tend to be more straightforward than women in their communication. I'm not sure why this is, but it may have a lot to do with E-man's ideas about Rapport vs Report, emotion vs logic and so forth. Women think more with their hearts and (sometimes) hormones. Men generally think more with their heads (though most women will contest this). In our society, it is generally considered unmanly for males to talk openly with one-another about their feelings, or even to place themselves in situations where feelings are more likely to be discussed (like in the public restroom). Women, on the other hand, are expected to express their feeling, whether positive or negative, with other women. Men don't necessarily expect women to share their feelings because they don't generally think about what is being felt, more, like E-man said, about what is being done or what happened. These are extreme over-generalizations, of course, because if this were true of all men and women, you would have an aunt TJ and not an uncle TJ.
Clearly my being an expert on gender communications qualifies me to comment.
Perhaps you could focus on the differences in what guys and gals respond to. For example, the degree to which a guy would not respond to a gal's requests to consider things in an emotional light are likely lower than the degree to which he will respond to something more objective. The opposite goes for a gal.
Thus, communication-based issues come up when a gal is trying to communicate based primarily on her feelings, emotions, and other subjective factors of evaluation, and either a guy is unreceptive or is simultaneously trying to communicate his worldview based on what he considers more objective standards.
Of course, this is actually at a higher level, where both are trying to communicate. Before that, the gal would be, to the guy, mysteriously uncommunicative because of her emotional thoughts, and a guy would be unable to discern the reason for her reticence because he would not be looking through an emotional lens. Similarly, a guy could be uncommunicative because something is so obvious to him as to be undeserving of communication, whereas a girl wouldn't be approaching from the same angle and thus wouldn't see it as obvious. Also, guys just don't communicate that often. It's superfluous.
All of this generalizes a gal's communication problems as usually being rooted in emotional differences and a guy's problems being rooted in objective, conclusion-based differences. Notice how this does not mean all gals are emotional or all guys are primarily fact-based - it just says that communication barriers probably occur when the genders are fulfilling their stereotypes.
and then there is the overgeneralization that men are more logic and women are more emotional. men have emotions too. i think a lot of time women dont think about that. and there are so many assumptions going on between the two without direct communication. i think a lot of it has to do with trust as well. a lot of the time we trust our friends more than we do a person of the opposite sex and so instead of asking them what something they said or did meant we ask our friends. talk about the science of mind reading
Women say they value honesty, caring, listening. But when guys are honest, girls are offended. When guys care, girls feel smothered. When guys listen, girls don't respect them. Girls decry jerk guys yet spurn the nice ones. The cognitive dissonance here is perhaps why girls are always upset about their romantic life, or lack thereof.
Guys use logic and women call them heartless. Some men use emotion and women call them stubborn or temperamental. Men who aren't romantic are considered boring, men who are romantic are considered creepy. You can't win with women. That's what guys haven't figured out yet.
8 comments:
can you be more specific?
In the dinnertime "How was your day?" conversation between a couple, the woman will talk about how she felt, the man will talk about what he and other people did. It's Rapport vs Report, emotion vs logic and reasoning. In a way, women are more abstract, men are more literal, which is why questions such as "Does this dress make me look fat?" are absolutely hated by men: we don't know how to answer honestly.
I think men tend to be more straightforward than women in their communication. I'm not sure why this is, but it may have a lot to do with E-man's ideas about Rapport vs Report, emotion vs logic and so forth. Women think more with their hearts and (sometimes) hormones. Men generally think more with their heads (though most women will contest this). In our society, it is generally considered unmanly for males to talk openly with one-another about their feelings, or even to place themselves in situations where feelings are more likely to be discussed (like in the public restroom). Women, on the other hand, are expected to express their feeling, whether positive or negative, with other women. Men don't necessarily expect women to share their feelings because they don't generally think about what is being felt, more, like E-man said, about what is being done or what happened. These are extreme over-generalizations, of course, because if this were true of all men and women, you would have an aunt TJ and not an uncle TJ.
Clearly my being an expert on gender communications qualifies me to comment.
Perhaps you could focus on the differences in what guys and gals respond to. For example, the degree to which a guy would not respond to a gal's requests to consider things in an emotional light are likely lower than the degree to which he will respond to something more objective. The opposite goes for a gal.
Thus, communication-based issues come up when a gal is trying to communicate based primarily on her feelings, emotions, and other subjective factors of evaluation, and either a guy is unreceptive or is simultaneously trying to communicate his worldview based on what he considers more objective standards.
Of course, this is actually at a higher level, where both are trying to communicate. Before that, the gal would be, to the guy, mysteriously uncommunicative because of her emotional thoughts, and a guy would be unable to discern the reason for her reticence because he would not be looking through an emotional lens. Similarly, a guy could be uncommunicative because something is so obvious to him as to be undeserving of communication, whereas a girl wouldn't be approaching from the same angle and thus wouldn't see it as obvious. Also, guys just don't communicate that often. It's superfluous.
All of this generalizes a gal's communication problems as usually being rooted in emotional differences and a guy's problems being rooted in objective, conclusion-based differences. Notice how this does not mean all gals are emotional or all guys are primarily fact-based - it just says that communication barriers probably occur when the genders are fulfilling their stereotypes.
Does this help at all?
Heart,
James Pickens
and then there is the overgeneralization that men are more logic and women are more emotional. men have emotions too. i think a lot of time women dont think about that. and there are so many assumptions going on between the two without direct communication. i think a lot of it has to do with trust as well. a lot of the time we trust our friends more than we do a person of the opposite sex and so instead of asking them what something they said or did meant we ask our friends. talk about the science of mind reading
Women say they value honesty, caring, listening. But when guys are honest, girls are offended. When guys care, girls feel smothered. When guys listen, girls don't respect them. Girls decry jerk guys yet spurn the nice ones. The cognitive dissonance here is perhaps why girls are always upset about their romantic life, or lack thereof.
Guys use logic and women call them heartless. Some men use emotion and women call them stubborn or temperamental. Men who aren't romantic are considered boring, men who are romantic are considered creepy. You can't win with women. That's what guys haven't figured out yet.
To a writer, in a movie I never saw:
"How do you write women so well?"
"I think of a man, then take away all reason and accountability."
I recommend this article.
http://www.psy.fsu.edu/~baumeistertice/goodaboutmen.htm
It has a lot about your topic (among other things) from a psychological perspective.
Everything else can be summarized in Victor Hugo's statement: "God became a man; granted. The devil became a woman!"
I would listen to James Pickens. He obviously knows more about women than anybody else.
Sincerely,
Joseph Porter
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