here we are unbroken and here we are much the same

Oh you're never gonna get it, so get it right

There's just some things I will never understand. I'm well aware but still only starting to accept that life is one of them. Of course, I understand the purpose, but sometimes the means to that end? I feel like Rookie of the Year explained it perfectly. Clear as mud.

In realizing that I have little control over my life, no matter how hard I try, I'm often inclined to just go with what happens. Not just a "roll with the punches" sort of attitude (I feel like I had that one forced on me a long time ago), but, for example... when I have a lot of options of various opportunities to pursue, all seem like good options, and I'm not getting a solid answer on which one to choose, I've found that the one I need to go with slides into place before I have time to argue. I'm so grateful for that. Heavenly Father clearly knows how indecisive I am. But the more I think about the apparent lack of decision making in my life, I'm shown different ways that I actually did have a say in that decision. I just made the decision a long time ago.

Example 1: Krista Isom

This is actually the exact opposite of how our relationship works of late. That is not to say that it's typical for me to be the supportive role in our relationship and her to need the support, but in this picture, she's got me in an awkward hug and I'm the one holding up boards to keep them from falling on us. This explains the majority of my relationships with other people. I feel like I have to be the stable, rock-solid, emotionless one, especially when other people around me are falling or feeling like their worlds are crumbling. I feel like I'm important to them if I'm doing all of the work. Sick, I know. Fortunately, there are people like Krista in my life that remind me how healthy relationships are supposed to work. Where it seems just wonderful, random chance that she would be in my life right now, I realize that's a choice I made a while ago. I don't like asking people for help, and I'm really not even very good at accepting it when it's offered, but I did once. I needed help, help I didn't realize I needed, and when she offered, I took her up on it. I don't think she knows it, but she's teaching me what "give and take" means. It meant the world to me when, while I was staring off into space the other day, thinking I was safe with a blank expression while I tried desperately to figure out what was wrong with me, she stopped what she was doing and hopped up on the bed just to sit next to me. She didn't say anything, she didn't try to give me a hug and make it all better, just sat next to me. That was all the support I needed. It's amazing to me that I can learn so much, and on a regular basis, from someone who gets annoyed with me when I do things like get the peanut butter and jelly song stuck in her head. I should probably warn her that I love that song, and I will probably try to get it stuck in her head on a more regular basis, too.

Example 2: Turning into a vampire

(Jada called it that. I thought it was hilarious, I wanted to use it and give her credit!)
I just started a phlebotomy class. It's a stepping stone to EMT cert, eventually some sort of medical profession... at least, that's the plan right now. I felt like taking the class was kind of a last minute decision, and I hate making fairly big decisions that way, especially when they have any sort of economic impact (it's not exactly a cheap investment). I had put thought into it, I had done research, it does fit with my education goals, and it was a sensible plan, I just wasn't sure it was right for me right now. I decided to still go to at least the first class to get a feel for it, it was recommended that I make a decision after at least attending one lecture, and then make a final decision after that. I was again amazed at the results. How could this kind of a decision just fall into place? I hadn't given it as lengthy of a thought process as I wanted! But then, that's the promise we've been made if we're living as we should. That wasn't a recently made choice either.

Example 3: Julie, Jess, Trent, Beth, Marsh, Mom, Jada, Jared, David, Erica, Rich, Micah...
and several other people I've talked to in the last 24 hours. I kind of talk a lot...
Actually, I won't elaborate on each person I've talked to or what realization I came to about decisions and things falling into place in talking to each of them. I feel like a sufficient conclusion on this one would be to say that some of the best answers come in the form of other people, angels as they might be. I think this provides support of the first two examples, choosing to be around good people and living the way that you should to be able to receive answers when you ask for them or when you need them.

Maybe that is the best place to conclude. The best way to have things go well for you is to try your hardest to live the way the Prophets have taught. They've promised us we'll find happiness if we do. Who would have guessed they really know what they are talking about? :)