Bridian.

I was sitting on my bed, reading stuff on my laptop, and Bridian was asleep next to me. Suddenly, she wakes up, looks at her phone, then throws it across the room into the wall.

"What did you do that for?"
"Facebook."
"What about Facebook frustrates you so much that throwing it against the wall would help?"
"If I try to go to the second page, it shuts off."

She's totally serious. I didn't think she was very awake or very aware of what she was doing, especially since her response didn't exactly merit any sort of intelligible reply, so I just laugh at her.

"I'm sure that will help."

So I went back to reading, and I started laughing at one part of the article I was looking at. Brid, who's now awake and paying slightly more attention, asks why I'm laughing. So I read her a part of the article about Murphy's and other related laws. Bridian then responds:

"What's weird to me is how I hit people."

What?

We started talking about how violent Bridian is. She explained how she hits people and smacks them for various injustices, and pinches them with her toes. She also explains how she doesn't allow people to touch her, or do any of the things she does to them.

"If people do that to me, I would throw them on the ground, stomp on their heads, and crush their hearts."

And then, before I have a chance to really react besides laughing so hard there are tears streaming down my face, Bridian picks up a book off the bed and chucks that across the room. She leaned over and grabbed the screen of my laptop, but she decided to let go. Without crushing my heart.

I'm really not sure how to react to any of this. I told her about one time she actually threatened to throw my laptop across the room and I was terrified that she would actually do it. To this day, I know she would've. I don't know how I managed to defray her anger that day, but I have been thrown on the ground before. She went off again about how she beats on people, and I said, "You know, the funny thing is, you used to be such a shy little girl."

Bridian doesn't miss a beat. "I'm STILL shy. I'm just a devil to those I know!"

I made the mistake of telling her that I quote her in my gmail status. I randomly attributed some quote to her the other day because I found it in some forward she sent me and it didn't have an author. So I credited it to her. I told her that. "I quote you on my gmail status. The most recent: Happiness is an unexpected hug. -Brid." "HOMOPHOBE!"

Common response from Bridian. I don't know how writing something that gay makes me afraid of homosexuals, but then, I know better than to question Bridian's wisdom. On pain of death.

I told her I would change it. She said, "You better change it, or I'll reach up your nose and rip your brains out your nostrils."

Now, with the explanation I just gave of how serious I take Bridian's threats, you would think that the next line would be "I peed my pants in fear." On the contrary. The only thing even remotely wet was my face. I'm still crying from laughing so hard. Bridian didn't really appreciate that response to her serious threat. She made some other grotesquely graphic and violent threat that I don't remember because I was trying to see my computer through my tears. While I don't fear for my safety, I'm still worried about my computer.

Bridian then said, "Am I getting better? Am I like Travis?" Travis, the infamous EFY counselor that was getting old my first session and was making wild and much worse grotesquely graphic and violent threats to his kids Brid's last year of EFY, said things like, "I'll skin you with a rusted potato peeler and roll your fleshless corpse down a driveway of salt" to the kids in his company.

"Yes, Bridian. You are getting better. Just like Travis." (said between gasps of breath, still trying desperately to be able to see normally and talk without dying.)

And then Bridian says, "I wonder if my phone works..."