title and registration.

I was just browsing a friend's blog and came across a post about "wedding demons," the less than perfect parts of her wedding that continue to haunt her. At the end of her post, she came to the realization that the version of herself that planned the wedding was a very different version from the one that enjoyed her wedding day, and she is trying hard not to let it bother her anymore. 
Reading this, I came to a few realizations myself, about weddings, my wedding, and really, the rest of my life. I don't mean to suggest any sort of self aggrandizement, conceit, or bragging about how great my big major life event was. Not even remotely. But some of the crazy things that have happened in my life have taught me that you only enjoy something as much as you allow yourself to enjoy it. So this is less of "Look what I've accomplished!" and much more "Look what I'm learning."

1. My wedding was perfect. Not because everything went flawlessly, not because everyone was always his or her best self, not because every detail I had imagined went exactly like I thought it would. Because none of those things happened. But it was perfect because the timing was perfect. And because I knew that, because I knew the decisions I'd made were the right ones, I could see the disasters for what they were, even anticipate some of them, and let them go. The messes of planning and even the day of the wedding were okay because, at the end of the day, I was married to the person that helped make it all okay during the messes, and it was exactly when was best for us to get married. 

2. I was happy when I (finally) stopped worrying about what other people expected. And I had a lot of fun doing it. It took me til the day we got married to let go of trying to please other people. In fact, there were probably a couple of things I still tried to do for other people but remembered that it didn't matter and stopped worrying about it. And since that day, I've grown a lot better at not doing things just because other people want me to do it. I'm still working on it, but I'm getting so much better. There were a lot of expectations about some traditional wedding/reception activities. I don't like most of those traditions, so we didn't do them. And "fun" is still my favorite way of describing our reception. 

3. I let go of stress by paying more attention to the things that were going right and did my best to ignore everything else. There were so many wonderful people involved in making our wedding happen the way we wanted it. So many little things that just worked out perfectly, so many favors that we weren't expecting, so many people that just offered their talents, so many people that jumped at our request of their talents, so many people that stayed up late to set up before and stayed up late to clean up afterwards.  

4. I stopped talking about the things that weren't perfect. And that helped me to stop thinking about them so much. I didn't just pretend they weren't there- oh no- I stayed up late one night venting to Jeremy about the things that disappointed me and cried about expectations that I shouldn't have had. But I got them out, and then I left them alone. It happened, it's over, you can't change people or events that have already occurred, so remember what's worth remembering. 

5. Everyone's expectation (and reality) of being engaged and married and everything that comes in between is totally different. This was made especially obvious to me by the comments on my friend's blog post. So many people wrote about the many different details that disappointed them, the things they wished they'd changed, the regrets they wish they didn't have. Honestly, I found myself incredibly grateful that I didn't experience most of the regrets those people had. Some were struggling with uncertainty, in any number of places in their lives, and others felt they tried too hard to make it perfect. And there were some comments from people who loved their wedding and didn't have any regrets. I related most to them and it's what got me thinking about all of the above realizations. And then I thought about where else this applies. Insert "life" in place of "being engaged and married and everything that comes in between." 


I'm glad I stumbled across that post today. It gave me a reason to honestly evaluate how I feel about the day my husband and I got married. And then, it gave me a reason to evaluate how I feel about any stressful situation and what I take from it. I'm not perfect, but I'm learning. If your wedding has passed and some things weren't just the way you wanted them, I hope that you can learn to love the perfect parts of that day and let go of everything else. I'm sure your marriage is worth more than whatever didn't happen the way you wanted.

If your wedding is in the future, I don't actually have any advice. Just well wishing :)