I was asked to speak in our ward on Mother's Day. Definitely a first for me.
But I really loved preparing for it, and I found some really encouraging things while I studied out this topic.
So I thought I'd share :) Happy Belated Mother's Day to anyone who is, was, or ever will be a [phenomenal] mom.
It’s impressive to me how many ways so many mothers fulfill their divine role, and often a little overwhelming as I think about raising my own children. As I searched for even a small part of what the prophets have taught about mothers, I was again impressed and overwhelmed. The Lord has so much to teach us about motherhood.
One of the first things I found about motherhood was about the Lord’s timing. Sister Bonnie Oscarson gave a talk in the most recent General Women’s Meeting, and she said,
“Each of us has a part to play in the plan [of salvation], and each of us is equally valued in the eyes of the Lord. We should remember that a loving Heavenly Father is aware of our righteous desires and will honor His promises that nothing will be withheld from those who faithfully keep their covenants. ... but He also has His own timetable. One of the hardest challenges in this life is to have faith in the Lord’s timing. It’s a good idea to have an alternative plan in mind, which helps us to be covenant-keeping, charitable, and righteous women who build the kingdom of God no matter which way our lives go. We need to... aim for the ideal but plan for contingencies.”
While this thought was of hope directed to those who are not experiencing what the family proclamation describes, I would like to broaden this message to all of us, already parents or not, to practice and develop divine characteristics. All of us will have to face some surprises or disappointments when it comes to understanding and accepting the Lord’s timetable. While my thoughts are specifically about mothers and the vital role they play in the great plan of happiness, my goal is to focus on what that role means for us right now, no matter what phase of life and raising or not raising children we are in. I hope that the men in the room will find ways to support their wives in these divine roles, and I pray that all of us can give ear to the Spirit encouraging us and teaching us where we can improve.
In October 2007, Julie B. Beck talked about the example we have from the mothers of the stripling warriors. She said, “In the Book of Mormon we read about 2,000 exemplary young men who were exceedingly valiant, courageous, and strong. “Yea, they were men of truth and soberness, for they had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before him” (Alma 53:21). These faithful young men paid tribute to their mothers. They said, “Our mothers knew it” (Alma 56:48).”
She explained how, in the tumultuous latter-days more than ever, we need mothers who know. “Children are being born into a world where they “wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places” (Ephesians 6:12).1 However, mothers need not fear. When mothers know who they are and who God is and have made covenants with Him, they will have great power and influence for good on their children.”
Sister Beck then made a list of seven things describing Mothers Who Know, giving us a list of things to strive for. First on her list is
Mothers Who Know Bear Children
and she starts by explaining that mothers who know have this desire, but worldwide this desire is decreasing, if not altogether disappearing. Prophets, seers, and revelators...have declared that “God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.”3 President Ezra Taft Benson taught that young couples should not postpone having children and that “in the eternal perspective, children—not possessions, not position, not prestige—are our greatest jewels.” So what does that mean for us now? If we do not already have that desire, we need put our priorities in order so that this is a desire we have. It doesn’t mean we need to have children on a certain timetable that the Church has outlined, because there isn’t an outline. Heavenly Father knows what is best for our individual families, and if we are consistently counseling with Him, He will help us to know if there are misplaced priorities keeping us from following His plan for our family.
The next on Sister Beck’s list is
Mothers Who Know Honor Sacred Ordinances and Covenants
This is my favorite on her list because I feel like it covers all of the others on her list. If we are keeping covenants, really, we should be the best moms on the planet. Period. But there are some aspects of the covenants we make with God that are losing their value in this world, like so many of them, as mothers and women in general are devalued. The issue of equality and its relationship with a woman’s monetary value has lured many women out of the home and away from their families.
“...latter-day prophets have emphasized the importance of mothers staying home with their
children rather than entering the workplace.” President Gordon B. Hinckley taught,
“There are some women (it has become very many, in fact) who have to work to provide for the needs of their families. To you I say, do the very best you can. I hope that if you are employed full-time you are doing it to ensure that basic needs are met and not simply to indulge a taste for an elaborate home, fancy cars, and other luxuries. The greatest job that any mother will ever do will be in nurturing, teaching, lifting, encouraging, and rearing her children in righteousness and truth. None other can adequately take her place” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 93; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 69).
It might be a sacrifice to follow this counsel. Before Berlin was born, I was hesitant about staying home because I loved the field that I was working in and the work that I did every day, and I wondered if a sleeping, crying, pooping newborn was going to feel as fulfilling as I knew it was supposed to be, especially since I knew it wasn’t going to be the same type of fulfillment that I got at work. But the Lord really does bless you for being obedient. Boyd K. Packer observed, “No teaching is equal, more spiritually rewarding, or more exalting than that of a mother teaching her children” (“Teach the Children,” Ensign, Feb. 2000, 16). We can prepare to be mothers by doing everything we can now, especially if we don’t yet have children, to be able to be at home with our children so we are there fulfilling our covenants and teaching them.
The next section of Sister Beck’s list includes nurturers, teachers, and leaders
Mothers Who Know Are Nurturers
Mothers Who Know Are Teachers /and
Mothers Who Know Are Leaders
I’ve put these together because I feel like the main lesson for right now is to prepare to fill these roles. These roles are very distinct, but the greatest purpose of these roles is to create, together with your spouse, an environment for spiritual growth. There are so many great things we can do right now with or without children to prepare for that work. We can pray together, read scriptures together, have family home evening, plan for the future together, even just plan for our week together. Of these perhaps simple and routine things, Sister Beck said, “That is influence; that is power.” If we want to have that power and influence in our home and in our children’s growth and development, we need to be doing those things now.
The 6th of Sister Beck’s list helps us to focus on the previous section.
Mothers Who Know Do Less
Of Mothers doing less, she explains, “They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all.”
This is applicable to anyone, married or single, with or without children. What things in our lives, while perhaps not inherently bad, are restricting us from keeping our covenants more fully? Eliminating those things from our lives right now will make it easier in the future to focus on our children and our roles to help them grow.
Sister Beck’s final point on her list is:
Mothers Who Know Stand Strong and Immovable
She asks, “Who will prepare this righteous generation of sons and daughters? Latter-day Saint women will do this—women who know and love the Lord and bear testimony of Him, women who are strong and immovable and who do not give up during difficult and discouraging times.”
This also means that we are proud of who we are and the covenants we’ve made, like following the prophet. For example, if you are striving to follow the prophet and stay at home with your children, you shouldn’t be ashamed of being a stay at home mother. You are not JUST a stay-at-home-mom. You are fulfilling the divine role that your Father in Heaven has for you, and besides all of the wonderful hats you also take on as a mother, you are helping bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of men, including but not limited to your own children. So you should be proud!
Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson told a story about her youngest daughter taking part in a Career Day at her children’s school and presenting her role as a mother. She described how mothers needed to be somewhat of an expert in many different areas and finished her presentation by having the students write thank you notes to their mothers. Her daughter explained that in this world it could be very easy for a child to feel like “being a parent is a secondary job or even sometimes a necessary inconvenience,” but she hoped that by sharing her testimony of the importance of parenting in a secular setting, these students would have a greater appreciation for the work and love of their parents.
So as mothers or future mothers in these last days, we can at least be proud of what we do and perhaps help others with our example.
As my own final thought about how we can prepare now to fulfil our roles as parents, I think our very best efforts will be spent in strengthening our relationship with our Savior to help us through the difficulties of parenthood, and before that, everything that it takes to get us to parenthood. We cannot fulfil these roles alone. We need our loving spouses, and we need the Savior and His atonement.
Jeffrey R. Holland taught, “When you have come to the Lord in meekness and lowliness of heart and, as one mother said, “pounded on the doors of heaven to ask for, to plead for, to demand guidance and wisdom and help for this wondrous task,” that door is thrown open to provide you the influence and the help of all eternity. Claim the promises of the Savior of the world. Ask for the healing balm of the Atonement for whatever may be troubling you or your children. Know that in faith things will be made right in spite of you or, more correctly, because of you.
He continues with great encouragement, specifically to all current and future mothers, “Yours is the grand tradition of Eve, the mother of all the human family, the one who understood that she and Adam had to fall in order that “men [and women] might be”9 and that there would be joy. ...Yours is the grand tradition of Mary, chosen and foreordained from before this world was, to conceive, carry, and bear the Son of God Himself. We thank all of you, including our own mothers, and tell you there is nothing more important in this world than participating so directly in the work and glory of God, in bringing to pass the mortality and earthly life of His daughters and sons, so that immortality and eternal life can come in those celestial realms on high.”
I add my testimony to Elder Holland’s. Even preparing to be parents takes tremendous effort, because we really are preparing to be just like our Heavenly Father. And I know that it’s so worth the effort.
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